AQUARIUS (Jan 20– Feb 18): It seems that the heavens have decided to pass out coupons, redeemable toward a veritable arsenal of verbal weapons. Interestingly enough, the offer is only good for your sign. Needless to say, you should be very careful if you decide to accept the offer — and even more careful when deciding where and when to put them into use. Basically, you’ll have the verbal ability to decimate anyone who even mildly disagrees with you. It’s up to you to draw the line where it should be drawn.
PISCES (Feb 19 – March 20): You’re definitely an ‘impulse shopper’ — no doubt about it. But what you’re usually talked into buying are sentimental things or warm and fuzzy things. Today, however, instead of being captivated by the verbal spell of the salesperson who’ll tell you all about the virtues of a pedigreed puppy or the incredible lifetime warranty that comes along with this particular item that can be handed down from generation to generation, you’ll be far more interested in getting what you want. What you want …. It’s an entirely new concept, isn’t it?
ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 19):
Testy? Cranky? Who, you? Just because the planet in charge of your sign just so happens to be Mars, the ancient god of war? No way. It’s not that you’re irritable. It’s just that ‘the opponents’ — those of us who happen to inhabit the extra space in your world — are just so darned uncooperative. Don’t take any guff from these intruders. Put ’em right in their place.
TAURUS (Apr 20 – May 20): There’s something going on. You’re sure of it, and you’re not willing to stand for it any more. You, however, are just calm, cool and collected enough to make all parties involved believe that you’re over it — or that you never knew to begin with. If they weren’t being so darned sneaky and manipulative, you’d almost have to feel sorry for them. But they are, so don’t — not even a tiny, little bit.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): You really do want to go out and play and it has (almost) nothing to do with the fact that it’s your day to goof off. What you’re really after is socializing — but not on a lighthearted level. You’re in the mood for intense, penetrating conversations, late into the night, about the big issues — politics, religion and education, for example. All the topics that no one would usually dare to bring up at the dinner table. Good luck!
CANCER (June 21-July 22): In public, you’re the very soul of tact, reserve and discretion. Tonight, however, that won’t be the case. If someone happens to ask for your opinion — even if you’re out on a date with someone you were hoping to impress — you definitely won’t cut any corners en route to telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Of course, if they stick with you after this, you’ll know you really have something here — and isn’t that more valuable than a second date because you were ‘nice?’
LEO (July 23 – Aug 22):
Ignoring that one particular individual who seems to have a talent for aggravating you won’t be easy. You’ll have to bite your tongue, smile falsely and force yourself to be totally different from the way you are. But why bother? Because you won’t want the scar of a petty argument following your and your companions around for the entire evening. Don’t worry. You can do the right thing without being untrue to yourself or letting them know they’ve gotten to you. Kill them with kindness — tonight. Call them on it tomorrow.
VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sept 22): Just when you thought it was safe to go out, someone who’s ordinarily the very soul of discretion will suddenly get you started on a topic that’s near and dear to your heart — but far from fit for public consumption. Before you jump down their throats, however, or begin to go off on an innocent bystander, think this over. Could it be that you’re both really displacing far deeper feelings? Say, passion, for example?
LIBRA (Sept 23 – Oct 22):
You’ve just about had it with a certain person — the one who seems to be living for nothing else lately than to aggravate you, in any way possible. The bad news — for them — is that even though you’ve had quite the week, you’ll catch a second wind this morning, and be more than happy to use it to defend yourself. The good news — for you — is that the universe has seen fit to arm you with an amazing array of verbal astrological weapons. Better warn them before you really get going!
SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21): You are one of the most potentially intimidating signs in the zodiac. Unlike other signs, your retaliation tactics are far more subtle, but just as lethal. Oh, and then there’s the fact that you’ll wait a hundred years, if that’s what it takes. That said, aren’t you glad it’s your time to relax, and time to let bygones be bygones? You know you can find a better way to use up all this passionate energy ….
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21): It’s your time to relax — and not a moment too soon. You still can’t control yourself when it comes to asking questions, and you’ve still got a lot of questions, especially pertaining to one particular person. Be extra cautious about who you ask for information. Jealousy and resentment could easily be introduced into the mix, and who needs that when you’re just getting started?
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19): It’s been a difficult and troubling week, in many ways — but when it comes to romance, oddly enough, that department seems to be operating independently — and doing a darned fine job of it, too. Still, there is a stumbling block in the way, and you’re aiming to move it out. A family member or dear friend — someone who’s usually quite helpful and supportive — seems to be pushing against you. Check out all the facts before you go off.