I recently received an email from a cousin which contained a funny story about an elderly couple. It was one of those stories that no one has a clue where it may have originated, so giving credit where credit is due becomes an impossible task. If you wrote it, please do not blame me for sharing it!
“While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he
chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card.”
This coming week is National Senior Mental Health Week. You can do YOUR part by remembering to contact at least one unstable Senior to show you care. I have now done MY part.”
Because National Senior Mental Health Week was mentioned, I decided to do some research and find out when this is actually observed. I found a slew of observances, some of which I really found humorous. Now please understand that I would never make fun of any group of people with disabilities. A disability of any kind is no laughing matter. However, when I ran across a date in April to observe “Irritable Bowel Syndrome,” I did have to stop and ponder about that. Could a grumpy disposition be indicative of IBS? If so, I know a few people who need to see their doctor immediately! I think from now on every time I see someone sporting a frown instead of a smile, I will think to myself, ah, Irritable Bowel Syndrome at work! April is also recognized as “National Donate Life Month.” Um, help me out here, but I really hope that refers to giving the gift of life – donating BLOOD – because I’m just not ready to donate my life to anybody this particular day, are you? I mean seriously?
In February there is actually a “Give Kids a Smile Day!” Really? Isn’t that something that everyone ought to be doing daily? Well, unless a smile is freely given, most are not sincerely returned. Someone who can’t smile really ought to have that IBS problem checked out. March hosts “Brain Awareness Week.” Kenneth has had a stroke, so we are well aware of the problems some people face with brain injuries. I’m thinking we have a week-long observance due to the people who have intentionally fried their brains with drugs – it probably takes them a week to realize they even have a brain!
May is “Arthritis Awareness Month.” I have arthritis, and personally May seems to be the wrong month for its observance. Any month that is cold and rainy would be better to me – at least that’s when my body forecasts the weather better! May also has “Bike to School Day!” People with arthritis find it difficult to bike anywhere on any day. June has “National Lightning Safety Awareness Week.” This too seems like the wrong month. Why not observe this around the 4th of July. We all could go outside and do the Ben Franklin thingy with the umbrella and the key while listening to the song, “You Light Up My Life!” Everyone knows it always rains on the 4th of July. You can plan a parade by it!
August has “National Breastfeeding Month” followed closely by “World Breastfeeding Week.” I’m just sayin’ August really doesn’t offer something for everyone here. Now, September on the other hand has “Get Ready Day,” there’s no indication of what we’re getting ready for, though. It could just as easily have been called “Stop Procrastinating Day!” Or, “For Goodness Sakes Get to Church on Time Day!” Or, “Turn Off the Alarm Clock and Get Up Day!” Or, “Now You’ve Had It, Big Boy, and I’m Gonna Tell You All About It Day!” To me “Get Ready Day” is just so vague!
September also has “National School Backpack Awareness Day.” Trust me, those kids are aware of those backpacks! All you have to do is watch the slump in their shoulders to know they are truly aware of them. It does not take a national day of recognition to let people know there’s a problem there, I say give every kid a home computer and some DVDs and promote good posture instead. That and pulling their pants up to their waists, instead of down around their hips! The kids have to spread their legs so far apart to keep enough tension on their bodies to keep their pants from falling to their ankles that they are gonna need both hips and knees replaced before they grow facial hair! I don’t know why Levi Strauss hasn’t offered a “National 501 Keep ‘Em Up Day!”
October has “Walk to School Day,” which I sincerely hope falls in line with “Drive Safely Work Week,” or our kiddos may find it hazardous while walking to school. We only observe driving safely for a week, so does that mean the rest of the time we can drive like a bat out of…someone’s attic?
Speaking of attics, does anyone know if there are still bats in Tracy City Elementary? I remember seeing Coach Mac chasing one through the halls and out of the school one day! If the bats are gone has anyone checked to see if there may be bat poop overhead? I kept a terrible hacking cough for the last several years that I taught there, and I just could not seem to get over it! I sounded a lot like a foghorn every time I coughed. It was awful, but thankfully, it would clear up over the summer.
After several years of this reoccurring hacking cough and the diagnosis of their father’s lung cancer, my children finally demanded that I go see a Pulmonologist (Lung Doctor). The pictures of my lungs look like I have been shot with birdshot – multiple times! My spleen looks that way, too, and I was diagnosed with Histiplasmosis just before I retired. Histoplasmosis is a disease caused by “spores” in the dirt, which are contaminated with chicken, bird, or bat droppings, and are then released into the air as the soil is tilled and prepared for planting. People with weakened immune systems breathe in the spores and get an infection in the lungs, which leaves their lungs badly scarred. My Pulmonologist had me come in every three months for a CT Scan just to make sure that it was not a type of fast moving Lung Cancer. Praise the Lord it was not cancer! However, both my lungs and spleen will never get any better, and I often wonder if bat poop was over my classroom, could it have contributed to my lung problems.
Oh well, there I go again – bird-walking is what it was called during in-service, when you were teaching a concept but got to talking about something else and got off point! Bird-walking, bat guava, lung problems, ah, yes. Well, November is “Lung Cancer Awareness Month,” and it is also “COPD Awareness Month,” so those two issues relate to the lungs, so there, I’m back on track!
FYI “Drowsy Driving Prevention Week” is in November right before Thanksgiving to remind everyone that they should NOT fill up on turkey and drive. That may be a reason why Black Friday is not a good thing, not only do people go out at the butt crack of dawn (oh, excuse me, I’ve been told that saying butt is not nice. (Let’s make that dark thirty). Not only do people go out at dark thirty, but they’re also drowsy from all the turkey they have scarfed down! Nope, Black Friday shoppers are at risk from too much turkey and driving! Shoppers BEWARE!
And to think, this whole article started because of an “elderly” joke and my mental health, which it appears is recognized in May. At least that is when “Mental Health Month” is officially observed. However, I don’t know if it’s “SENIOR Mental Health Month,” because I have FORGOTTEN what Google said… which leads to a whole ‘nother set of MEMORY observances of which I won’t remind myself, for I am sincerely afraid that I have had “Mad Cow Disease” since I was seven!
I do know, however, that there is only ONE DAY of National Prayer, and I do find that a bit daunting. Don’t you find it odd that we observe the suffering of people’s irritable bowels for a whole month, but as a nation we only encourage one day of national prayer? And, if it IS a national day of prayer, can we do that in school? We’re not supposed to pray in school, but if it is a national observance, doesn’t that in fact require us to observe prayer in school on that day? Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that for a minute. Let’s see, we can give a kid a smile, and be aware of his/her backpack in school. We can have the kids walk to school, and we have to drive safely while they are walking there. We can have a week of brain awareness, and that’s a very necessary tool in school, a BRAIN, and we can get kids ready in a lot of ways for a lot of things in school, but for all the miracles that we might see in our children with school-wide prayer, we only have one day of national prayer.
Let’s think about it for a second, GOD performs MIRACLES…teachers teach…put them both together and education as we know it would be transformed…at least, that’s MY opinion! Yep, prayer is necessary, very necessary, and on most days in the classrooms of the teachers I know who DO believe in GOD, I believe that prayers are lifted up to HIM on a daily basis! Sometimes prayers are offered even on an hourly basis, and no, my friend, I am not being facetious! Prayers for our young people are as much of a Christian teacher’s daily routine as reading or math, but our government does not allow us to give prayer the priority it deserves. Hopefully, a God-fearing teacher somewhere is praying for your child…it may be during lunch, or planning period, or during activity time, but rest assured..the teachers I know who do believe in GOD also believe in your children, and at least through their prayers, “No Child Will Be Left Behind!”
Just to let you know, our “National Day of Prayer” is May 2, 2013, followed by “Teacher Appreciation Week” May 6-10. I propose that we make a major change to our observances. I propose our government declare a “National Year of Prayer,” and a “Thank You” to a teacher EVERYDAY! A simple “Thank You” is all the appreciation any of us ever wanted, and just think what a difference a “YEAR OF PRAYER” could make in all of our lives! God bless you, your children, and our country.
If you don’t have a home church, I’d like to invite you to join us at Tracy City First United Methodist Church. We’d love to have you!
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